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She said: “It felt like a wedding.” Little did we know that was the closest she came to having one. In June 2016, my mom, my sister and I went dress shopping for her matric farewell. We took a tour in my little car all the way to Pretoria. We got there, went to our first boutique, she didn’t find anything she liked. We then went to our second boutique, she fitted two or three dresses but nothing “stood out” for her. We got in the car to drive to the little apartment we stayed at and while on route, my battery died and my phone went off. No more GPS. My mom freaked out while my sister and I stayed chill. I recognized a small ice cream shop my bestie once took me to when I visited her. We went inside, bought ice cream and waited for my phone to charge in the corner. After I put on my GPS again, we found the apartment we stayed at. We had banana bread for dinner, we took a shower then my sister and I watched Trevor Noah on the TV while my mom complained about comedians not being comedic. After our show, we went to bed to get our needed rest for intense dress shopping the next day. The following day we had Wimpy for breakfast and started our search for her matric farewell dress. We went into a little boutique that had nice dresses on display outside. My sister and I went through all the racks and yet didn’t find anything appealing to her. We were just about to give up this boutique until I found a dress hanging really high behind the clothing racks. I picked it up, it was heavy, and I asked her: “what about what about this one? It is real pretty!” So she turned around and said: “YES!” then I went with her into the fitting room to put it on, I helped her squeeze into and out of the tight dress. When she put it on, we went outside to show my mom and she said: “it looks like a wedding dress” so we joked and said we should buy it so that she can wear it at her matric farewell and I’ll wear it on my wedding. Mom bought the dress, she looked gorgeous in it. On the day of her matric farewell, I lend her the earrings I wore to my matric farewell and it suited her, and the dress, nicely! So I played a role in her matric farewell slash wedding. I’m thankful we shared that moment.
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Losing my sister has made me realise the obvious:
There are some things I miss about her dearly: *The fact that we would vent to one another about family or relationship drama *She would always do my hair whether it was just for going to the gym or out *She used to ask for my assistance in doing her make up if she went out with friends *I could always ask her opinion on what to wear or what not to wear *She’d always offer to make me food, or share hers if she had some *She would come to visit me at my new place and we’d spend the day playing Sims and eating junk *How we binged watched Revenge until early morning hours *She’d come up for me if someone said something to or of me *She would help me bathe the doggies *She always gave me her extra candy *She’d sometimes go walking or jogging with me *We would drive off together if there were any drama at home *She would assist me in practical homework and assignments if I needed an actual person *She would come have sleepovers at my new place and we’d share the bed *She would have sleepovers when I still lived with my parents, and we’d share the bed *She bought me food many times when I moved out because she knew I hated cooking *She was always patient when I had to fetch her from school, after work *She was ALWAYS happy when I fetched her from work/school and would ask how I was *She let me borrow her clothing whenever I wanted to *Our late night chats about all sorts of random things when I went to visit my parents’ house *My mom, sister and myself always went to work late night during month end and my sister and I would always keep each other company There’s obviously a lot more I miss about her but these are just some things I can think of at the moment. There are also some things I will miss about not having my sister around: *I won’t be able to do all the things mentioned above *I won’t be able to tell her when I get engaged and show off my pretty ring *She won’t be by my side, as my maid of honour, when I get married *She won’t be an aunt if I get kids someday *She won’t be my kid(s)’Godmother if I get a kid *She won’t be able to take me for a ride in her new car if she got her licence *We won’t be able to grow old together Mourning my sister has a lot to do with me missing her and her missing events in my life. I will never stop missing her, I will never stop loving her and I will never stop mourning her! Just a few weeks after my sister’s passing, an old school friend of hers told people that “her sister is just taking it so hard because she never had a relationship with her sister and she regrets it.” I was devastated that someone could say something as cruel like that. Loss is loss regardless of how close you were to someone. They remain family. One day when she loses someone close to her, she’ll feel the same way I did and still do, not because of regret but because of mourning someone that has been a part of your live for years and suddenly they won’t share your life with you anymore.
Did my sister and I have a perfect relationship? No. Are there things I regret about our relationship? Yes. But have we always had a strained relationship? NO!! Growing up, I was more a guardian and mother like figure towards my sister and brother, since I’m almost six years older than my sister (I’m exactly 5 years, 5 months and 1 day older than her). I always looked after them when my mom was at work. I always nurtured them in a way a mother (or big sister) would. As kids, we had a great relationship. I have lots of fond memories of us two. Whether it was playing, dancing or having sleepovers in our rooms. There was, however, a gap in our relationship when she started hanging out with new friends and boyfriends; she was a teenager, her behaviour and personality changed. We pretty much “hated” one another for about a year, which was between very late 2014 and middle 2015. For that year, if it was even so long, we’d speak when we had to and didn’t really spend much time together as we did during all the previous years. She was just a changed person. Not for the better. We were polar opposites. I didn’t approve of her attitude and things she did and she didn’t need me to be her mom lol. But luckily her attitude changed again after a hard breakup, she went back to being her old self and we went back to chatting very often, watching movies together, walking with the dogs and just sitting in each other’s presence without needing to talk. During 2016 we spoke about every day, if not, at least weekly, about all sorts of things. We sent each other screenshots and memes often. She’d do my hair. I’d do her make up. And after I moved out, she came to visit me frequently and even had sleepovers here. In 2017, I’d fetch her from school almost every day. Then she’ll come over to my place to visit before I have to go to work. The last year and a half of her life, we had the best relationship. We were friends. We didn’t fight. Ever. It was amazing! So, dear “not so good friend” who thought you knew my sister and the relationships she kept, we DID have a relationship. We just fought a lot for a little while. Which siblings do. We had a good relationship since she was born up until the day she passed away. There’s a time gap of about a year (or less) in which we didn’t really care for having a relationship.. Other than that, we were good friends and sisters! Friday the 5th of May 2017, my sister came to visit me to show me her new kitten she rescued; he was merely 2 or 3 days old. If she hadn’t decided impulsively to wait by my doorstep, I might not have seen her before the accident. She came over with the kitten and was bubbling over with joy and pride. We arranged for her to come visit me again or sleepover on Saturday the 6th, so we could introduce my three Labradors to her sweet kitten again. Little did I know I will I never see her again.
During our hour and 15 minutes visit on Friday, she told me she needs to go to a sport day the following day and she wasn’t up for it at all. I encouraged her to tell her superiors that she can no longer go (since she didn’t want to go from the start) and she then said she had already made arrangements so she didn’t want to change her plans. I assumed they were going with a school bus since she hadn’t asked me to drive her there, and I was always her designated driver ever since I got my license back in 2012. I always took her where she needed to go, whether I wanted to or not. But there wasn’t a school bus. She drove with a fellow teacher. On Saturday the 6th of May, my boyfriend and I decided to go for a walk on a farm just outside of town. The last time we’ve been there was with my Sister and her boyfriend December 2016. As we’re sitting outside, an ambulance drove by, we knew an accident had happened we just weren’t aware that THAT accident would change our lives. A few minutes passed after we heard the ambulances’ sirens and suddenly my boyfriend received a call from his cousin whom he rarely speaks to. She informed him of the accident that had happened a while ago and she confused my sister for me, thinking I was in the car. My boyfriend confirmed that I was sitting right next to him. She then told him we should phone my parents just in case. He delivered the news to me and I immediately said: “my sister won’t be in the car since she had gone with the school bus.” I phoned my mom afterwards and the call went as follow: Me: “Mom, where is my sister?” Mom: “I don’t know, it’s odd, she should have been in town by now. I’m struggling to get a hold of her since her phone is on voicemail as is everyone else’s.” My heart sunk in my chest as I asked her- Me: “Mom, who did she drive with?” Mom: “Frank Streicher, why?” I just started weeping over the phone uncontrollably. She asked me to calm down and I just couldn’t. I muttered: “Frank Streicher has just been in an accident…” Within 5 minutes, my boyfriend and I drove to the crime scene, which was strange enough only like three minutes away from where we have been all this time. It felt like we were driving for hours. We were supposed to wait for my mom and meet them there but I just couldn’t wait. I have never prayed as hard as I prayed in that car. I wanted to believe that she wasn’t in the car. That she arranged to drive with someone else. As we came closer to the scene, there were lines of cars with their hazards on. My boyfriend hasn’t even parked the car yet but as he slowed down, I stepped out of the car and ran towards where the car was being crushed by an enormous truck. After 4 years of not doing cardio, I’d say I would’ve won the race still. It felt miles and miles away but I finally reached the car. Paramedics were standing on the side of the road and I immediately began to question their work ethic. Why weren’t they doing anything? Why weren’t they trying to help the people stuck in the car? I wanted to step in and see what I could do. I approached the car as it was lying on its side, I tried to get up unto the car but I couldn’t. My mom and stepdad showed up a while later, it felt like hours before they arrived. My mom came up to where I was standing, beside the car; she got a torch light from one of the paramedics and began inspecting the car. She couldn’t see anything. She climbed up unto the side of the car and said: “Your sister is in the car. I can only see her shoes.” I didn’t accept it. I told her that it can be anyone’s shoes. She saw her shoe and a part of her lower leg and tried to make me believe that she was in the car. I knew she was… I just didn’t want it to be true. We stood there looking at the crushed car, with a 24 tyre truck weighing over 20 tons, I still had a little bit of hope that my sister survived. The service was pathetic. We waited for 4 hours + for the towing company to come and attempt to remove the truck from the car. It was a fail. They had to flip over the car and cut the metal in order to get to the passengers. My mom stood by as they worked hard to open up the car and retrieve the passengers, I was told to stand on the opposite side of the road with the rest of the family since I was emotionally unstable to say the least. I wasn’t in any position to have seen my sister like that. I do regret not standing by since I still have a lot of unanswered questions. My mom came up to me to confirm that my sister was in the car. She asked me if I wanted to see her. I said no. But I did want to hold her hand. I went up to the body bag; my mom took out her hand for me. I held it and cried. I told her that I loved her and that I was sorry if I wasn’t too friendly the previous day when I saw her. I didn’t want to let go. I wanted to stay with her. I asked my mom if we could just take her home for the night. I didn’t want to leave her. After a short while of holding her cold hand and cleaning off the dirt and loose pieces of skin on her fingers, someone came over to ask us to leave since they needed to take photographs. I wouldn’t let go. My mom and boyfriend had to pick me up and take me away. I felt devastated for leaving her. I wanted to be with her! That was the day my life changed. The day I changed. The day I lost my sister… |
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